Those were the thoughts that were resounding in my head as we left Kyani. Am sure gabo shares the same sentiment. Here we have what is supposed to be one of the best bakeries out there. Burrp gave it a resounding thumbs up and called it one of mumbai's gems. Well i strongly disagree. Personally i believe it to be one of the worst places a food lover can go to.
For those that have never been to this place(lucky sobs), Kyani is located near metro besides Furtados(the music hardware store) and was once the best place for breakfast one could find. They have a very big menu ranging from sandwiches to puffs to cakes and a variety of omelettes. There was another bakery exactly in front of it(can't remember the name) and both had a very fierce competition between them. But as soon as it got closed down, it seems the kyani staff got so full of it that customer satisfaction totally fell off their radar.
Before delving into the ugly, lets first deal with the bad. The service at that place is pathetic. On a crowded evening, don't be surprised if you feel ostracized. Add to this the grim look on the faces of the waiters and you might just be tempted to not order anything at all. Its as if they really really hate you. On the bright side, you can bitch about them all you want without feeling any regrets about it. And don't try arguing with the waiters if a particular dish turns out to be kind of incomplete or undercooked. I once ordered a mayonnaise sandwich over there. When it arrived, there was no mayonnaise. Actually, there was mayonnaise, but it was made in a way so that it would appear that there was no mayonnaise at all. Such fun \s. When i complained to the waiter about it, he took the sandwich to the chef who got pissed and started cribbing loudly about it(another fine example of how to keep cordial relations with the customers). When i finally got the sandwich back, it had enough mayonnaise to make 3 proper mayonnaise sandwiches. But i did not complain further. No point arguing when nothing is to be gained from it :|.
Now the food....well what can i say. I already talked about the sandwiches. The club sandwich is an absolute joke. Its bout the thinnest club sandwich you'll ever see and they charge 65 bucks for it. The puffs are cold and they hardly taste good. Even paying 10 bucks for one feels like a sham. If you feel the kheema is good, then you obviously need to visit more places(thats for you Date). The cakes are tawdry. They might look good but they're harder than they should be. Even the icing on the cakes tastes bad. I can go on and on about the food but thats just beating round the same bush. Take whatever i said bout the food and apply it to nearly all the dishes over there. Thats kyani for you.
But wait!!! Thats not even the worst part. The last two times i've been to kyani i've been down with stomach flu. I normally don't care bout hygiene that much but when the food is this bad, hygiene matters a lot :p.
For the above reasons, i feel that theres really no point going to this place. But if you're really really hell bent on giving it a try, have the cherry cold custard. It still hasn't lost its glory and is easily worth having twice :p. Also have the frankfurter with fried eggs. Its about the easiest thing to make and even kyani doesn't fuck it up :p. But for those of you who like trying new things, refrain from going to this place. Rather go to sassanian which is just a couple of minutes away from Kyani. It is a far far better irani place and serves some pretty awesome food. So all i would like to say is enjoy your life, try out different places, maintain some level of hygiene, find a life partner(??), fall in love(???), have kids(????), work hard(???????)....but don't go to kyanis(!!!!!!!) lol
For those that have never been to this place(lucky sobs), Kyani is located near metro besides Furtados(the music hardware store) and was once the best place for breakfast one could find. They have a very big menu ranging from sandwiches to puffs to cakes and a variety of omelettes. There was another bakery exactly in front of it(can't remember the name) and both had a very fierce competition between them. But as soon as it got closed down, it seems the kyani staff got so full of it that customer satisfaction totally fell off their radar.
Before delving into the ugly, lets first deal with the bad. The service at that place is pathetic. On a crowded evening, don't be surprised if you feel ostracized. Add to this the grim look on the faces of the waiters and you might just be tempted to not order anything at all. Its as if they really really hate you. On the bright side, you can bitch about them all you want without feeling any regrets about it. And don't try arguing with the waiters if a particular dish turns out to be kind of incomplete or undercooked. I once ordered a mayonnaise sandwich over there. When it arrived, there was no mayonnaise. Actually, there was mayonnaise, but it was made in a way so that it would appear that there was no mayonnaise at all. Such fun \s. When i complained to the waiter about it, he took the sandwich to the chef who got pissed and started cribbing loudly about it(another fine example of how to keep cordial relations with the customers). When i finally got the sandwich back, it had enough mayonnaise to make 3 proper mayonnaise sandwiches. But i did not complain further. No point arguing when nothing is to be gained from it :|.
Now the food....well what can i say. I already talked about the sandwiches. The club sandwich is an absolute joke. Its bout the thinnest club sandwich you'll ever see and they charge 65 bucks for it. The puffs are cold and they hardly taste good. Even paying 10 bucks for one feels like a sham. If you feel the kheema is good, then you obviously need to visit more places(thats for you Date). The cakes are tawdry. They might look good but they're harder than they should be. Even the icing on the cakes tastes bad. I can go on and on about the food but thats just beating round the same bush. Take whatever i said bout the food and apply it to nearly all the dishes over there. Thats kyani for you.
But wait!!! Thats not even the worst part. The last two times i've been to kyani i've been down with stomach flu. I normally don't care bout hygiene that much but when the food is this bad, hygiene matters a lot :p.
For the above reasons, i feel that theres really no point going to this place. But if you're really really hell bent on giving it a try, have the cherry cold custard. It still hasn't lost its glory and is easily worth having twice :p. Also have the frankfurter with fried eggs. Its about the easiest thing to make and even kyani doesn't fuck it up :p. But for those of you who like trying new things, refrain from going to this place. Rather go to sassanian which is just a couple of minutes away from Kyani. It is a far far better irani place and serves some pretty awesome food. So all i would like to say is enjoy your life, try out different places, maintain some level of hygiene, find a life partner(??), fall in love(???), have kids(????), work hard(???????)....but don't go to kyanis(!!!!!!!) lol
i think mambo forgot to mention that everything that we ordered was out of a frozen pack.
ReplyDeleteso if u remotely think that"it tastes good", then lemme tell you one thing, its no rocket-science.
just follow two steps:
open the packet, and pour the contents of it on a hot pan.
fucking disappointing.
i have lost faith in this place. :|
-Gaurang(Gabo)
kyani has lost its old charm... you should have just tried what its best known for ... 'bun maska and chai'...
ReplyDeleteps: i hate Sassanian... i think kyani's is better...
@Sandra: having tried the bun maska and chai at kyani so many times over my frequent visits to that place in the past, i can safely say that its not worth the hype, to my horror, even the bun was out of a pack(wibs i guess). I concur and would further like to add that places as such as disintegrating in quality of food progressively.
ReplyDelete- Gaurang(Gabo)